Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
