If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
