You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
