i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
