He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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