i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
please come you make the beer taste better
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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