just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
