I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Vodka?
Forever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
