so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
