Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
