You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
