Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
