i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
