we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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