my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
