is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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