We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I understand Curling. That high.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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