I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
