Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
