i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
