the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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