I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
