There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
