i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize