I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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