I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
