this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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