What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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