Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
