I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
