so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
