There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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