My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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