I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
