Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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