Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
