Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
