update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
