Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
