I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
