Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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