She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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