Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
