Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
