He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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