I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
