bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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