I like my sex mixed with concussions.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
