I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think my moral compass just broke
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