I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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