we made out on top of his cat.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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