Porn is love you can see.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
