Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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