Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
